Boredom

Covid 19

Running a mile barefoot

Walking around on my toes the next day cuz I tore some skin off the bottom of my feet

Playing ranked in a children’s video game and placing in the top 3% of my region

Calling Call of Duty Mobile a “children’s game” for the bare stimulation it offers

Wanting to text my friends how off my rockers I feel but mentally arguing against that because I don’t want to inadvertently impose on em (what if they’re going through stuff?)
+ Oh wait I have betterhelp membership brb LOL

—

Having a desolate point of view is so whack

My current pov: “I went thru some education, now I have a job. I will work for some period of time, with vacations and trips and friends and meals and memories and all this other stuff too. Then, one day, maybe I will have some sort of ‘uh oh, I need to leave my mark on the planet, whoops!’ crisis that I read about and see in some older adults and I will attach my ego to some random thing I didn’t care about earlier in my life, ride out my days feeling happy because I’m ‘contributing’ to the planet (all negligible contributions bot inside and outside of context, as is the nature of these things) and die.”

YEET aldjflajsdfjalid

I don’t like this pov tho cuz it makes me down and doesn’t illustrate a bright future.

I wonder if, shifting my pov from “systemic” to “personal” would be more enjoyable and inspiring. As in:

Now pov: “What’s the point of donating to this homeless shelter…like, how are these 5 meals I give gonna offset the (greater than 5) number of people that will enter homelessness this year???”

What I think will come out of a “personal” pov: “If I volunteer at a shelter, I can play somewhat of a role in these people’s lives and maybe see their situations improve over time :D”

But that second point of view is dependent on other people in order to derive a sense of fulfillment :(

Maybe, if I stay in what I’m in, I’ll learn something new — or I just keep existing?????????????